We often talk about compassionate leadership as though it is a personality trait. Some leaders are empathetic; others are more pragmatic. Some know exactly what to say when an employee is struggling, while others worry about saying the wrong thing.
But when someone is diagnosed with a serious illness, compassion at work is less about having the perfect words and more about creating the conditions for someone to navigate an incredibly difficult period without having to worry unnecessarily about their job, too.
Yesterday, I found myself having a conversation with a specialist cancer nurse that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.
She told me about a woman who had been diagnosed with cancer. She had two grown-up sons who didn’t live at home.
She hadn’t told them. Not because she didn’t love them or didn’t want their support. She simply couldn’t find the words.
Another patient had found the courage to tell her husband about her diagnosis.
He left.
Two stories. Two people who could quite easily have walked into work the following morning carrying something almost unimaginable, while the people around them knew very little about what was really happening in their lives.
It made me think again about what we mean when we talk about compassionate leadership.
Because serious illness doesn’t arrive neatly contained inside an employee, it comes to work with everything else.
Fear. Family. Relationships. Money. Children. Caring responsibilities. Identity. And sometimes the absence of the support network we simply assume somebody has.
More than 403,000 people are diagnosed with cancer in the UK every year, with around 1,100 people being diagnosed every day, according to Cancer Research UK. In the US, the American Cancer Society estimates that more than 2 million people will be diagnosed with cancer in 2026.
So chances are that leaders everywhere will, at some point, find themselves managing someone whose life has just changed dramatically.
For employers, this raises the question of what good leadership looks like when an employee’s circumstances suddenly change.
The first answer may be surprisingly simple: don’t assume you know what someone needs.
A cancer diagnosis can affect people very differently. One employee may want to keep working as normally as possible. Another may need significant flexibility. Someone may want their colleagues to know what is happening; someone else may want privacy.
A compassionate leader doesn’t decide what support should look like on an employee’s behalf.
They ask.
That could mean a manager having a straightforward conversation about what the employee feels able to share, what might make work easier and how they would like communication handled. But perhaps compassionate leadership also requires us to be curious enough to look beyond the obvious question:
And sometimes ask:
“How are things at home?”
“What would be most helpful from me right now?”
The answers might surprise us.
For one person, compassion might mean flexibility, fewer responsibilities or time away. For another, work might be the one part of their life they desperately want to remain normal.
Research from Macmillan Cancer Support found that 87% of people who were employed when they were diagnosed with cancer said it was important to continue working after their diagnosis. Of those who said it was important, 62% said work gave them a sense of normality, while 55% said it helped them stay positive or maintain morale and self-esteem.
They may not want to be wrapped in cotton wool. They may still want challenge, responsibility, laughter, ambition and the occasional conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with cancer, and that matters too.
Compassionate leadership, therefore, isn’t about lowering expectations. It isn’t about knowing the perfect thing to say, and it certainly isn’t about trying to fix someone’s life.
Managers aren’t doctors. They aren’t therapists. And there are professional boundaries for very good reasons.
What they can do is understand enough of the person standing in front of them to know what good support looks like for them.
That might involve adjusting schedules, changing workloads, allowing time for appointments or reconsidering where and when work gets done. Sometimes it may mean temporarily stepping back from responsibilities. For someone else, it might mean keeping as much of their normal role intact as possible.
The important thing is that the conversation remains open as circumstances change.
This is where compassionate leadership becomes more than an individual act of kindness. It becomes an organisational capability.
Managers need to know what flexibility is available, where HR can help and how to have sensitive conversations without overstepping professional boundaries. Employees need to trust that asking for support won’t quietly damage their reputation or career prospects.
And leaders need to remember that recovery doesn’t necessarily end when treatment does.
Returning to work can be positive, but “back to normal” isn’t always an appropriate expectation. Fatigue, anxiety and the emotional impact of illness can persist long after someone is officially back at work. A thoughtful leader understands that reintegration may take time.
Perhaps the question for leaders isn’t simply:
“Do we have the right policy?”
It’s:
“Would I actually know if someone in my team was carrying something like this?”
You may not be able to change what someone is going through. But you can profoundly change their experience of going through it.
That’s the kind of compassionate leadership, and workplace culture, worth building. If you would like to discuss the training and support we can offer for your leaders, please get in touch with me at therese@orgshakers.com
