How Can Leaders Be Kind Whilst Still Maintaining Authority?

There has always been this outdated idea that in order to climb the ranks and come out on top you have to be ruthless, cutthroat, and manipulative. But in reality, there isn’t much evidence that supports this – one longitudinal study conducted over 14 years found that those who were selfish, aggressive, and manipulative were actually less likely to move up the ranks. It was those who were generous, kind, and agreeable who were more likely to be promoted to a position of power.

So how might they continue to be their authentic, kind self when in a position of authority? We can already see that kindness is by no means a symbol of weakness, but with a leadership role comes a certain expectation of having to make the hard decisions, delegate tasks, and maintain a sense of authority that some may feel gets diluted by a kind demeanour. The secret is not blurring the lines between kindness and friendship.

Kwame Christian – known for his work around compassionate curiosity – discusses how the best advice he was ever given was that to be successful, you need to be respected rather than liked. And this notion is particularly poignant when it comes to balancing kindness and authority in a way that leads to the respect of your peers rather than their affection.

Leaders have to actively be reinforcing professional boundaries with their team; you don’t have to be friends with the people who work for you to know them and what’s important to them, both in and outside the workplace. It’s about having and fostering that benevolent concern for your team in a respectful way.

As with many aspects of communication, it’s important to check your intention. Leaders should always be taking a step back when making a decision and think about why they are deciding this. This can be incredibly helpful when having to deliver difficult decisions or an undesired outcome to an employee, as it offers them an insight into why you have come to this conclusion and why it is a necessary one for the wider health of the company.

What I have personally found to be particularly effective in these instances is having an insight into the workstyle preferences of the people I am working with. Years ago, I had a boss who would frequently change her mind on the direction she wanted something to go in, which would require consistent reworking from me to the point that I once ended up on version 37 of the draft! Whilst this was frustrating, I now realize that if my boss and I had undergone a process like SurePeople’s psychometric assessment, I would have seen from her Prism profile what kind of a leader she was and how her decision-making process worked. Having that insight would have helped me better understand how to work with her needs, just as her having access to my own profile would give her an insight into how I worked best. Leaders who have access to tools such as Prism will find it much more manageable to have those more difficult conversations with their team members.

Overall, it can be a tricky thing to be a leader who is nice and kind but whose authority is still respected. That’s why I believe it’s best to steer away from the notion of being the leader who wants to be pals with everyone and instead focus more on being the leader who offers everyone respect and expects this back in return.

If you would like to discuss the executive coaching services that we offer, or if you would like to get a deeper understanding into the Prism psychometric profiling technology, please get in touch with me at anya@orgshakers.com